Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
