It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
