Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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