And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
