how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
