New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
