Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize