That's intense
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
