I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
