I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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