Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I feel like abortions should bother me more
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
