dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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