Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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