I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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