yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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