what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
