I wannas sexs uuuuu
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Someone came in the potted fern
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
