Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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