He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We have so much sex to catch up on
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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