Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
