I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i think im in europe. pls send help
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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