Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
