I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
