i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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