There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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