So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
