grandma shit on top of the toilet
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
