Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
