tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
