Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
