i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
