I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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