The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
cat food counts as protein by the way
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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