Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
