There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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