i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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