I can tuck mytits in my pants
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
