naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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