Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
