i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
