you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
