Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
