would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
