i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
no, he came in my armpit
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
