I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
