Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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