I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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