Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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