The maid of honor just puked.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
