tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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