i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No...this little piggys going to the bar
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
