I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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