This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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