Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Your dad touched me again.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize