I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
