Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
