She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
