Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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