I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Drake has all the answers
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
