Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize