i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
