By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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