I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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