walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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