Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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