just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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