I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
