the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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