i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The air was thick with penises
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
