i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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