so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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