What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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